Well, this is awkward.

Disregard that last one. All like, 2 of my followers

On rarities and exceptions

We see it happen every day. A smoker decides that since his grandfather smoked unil the day he died, at 96 years old, then it must be alright for his health, though many die every year from lung cancer due to their smoking habbits. Someone dies in a car crash, their fastened seatbelt the cause of their untimely death and suddenly noone should be wearing theirs, though they have saved many lives in the past. An obese woman sees a seemingly healthy large person and decides to stop watching her weight, though it has been proved time and time again that being dangerously overweight causes many health risks. Why is it that something can be demonstrated a thousand, ten thousand times, and as soon as one situation, one contraciting incident occurs, everone's ideas change? Doesn't anyone understand the meaning of a rare exception?

 I can't say that I don't understand it. I am also part of this odd human phenomenon. For example, restaurant A and B are very similar in food selection. Restaurant A has a MUCH higher satisfacion rate than restaurant B. However, one negative experience with restaurant A, such as cold soup or poor service and I am likely to head to restaurant B the next time around. "What are all these people talking about?" I will think to myself as I leave restaurant A. "The data they collected for the satisfaction rate must have been falsified. The people were bribed, or they all have terrible taste!" Luckily, I am accutely aware of many of the tricks my own brain plays on me due to extensive research and field study (googling it, then watching someone do something similar one day at the mall) and so I try my best to stop and truly rationalize.

My advice? Don't fall for misconceptions. Find the fallacies, the myths, and think about your own interpretation of things. Are you believing something for all the wrong reasons?

Click before reading, in order to feel (and see, and hear) my pain.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CD2LRROpph0&feature=related

Now, isn`t that the worst song you`ve ever heard? I`m really sorry but this is something I feel the need to complain about. The music is generic and poppy and the lyrics sound like they were written by a grammatically challenged preschooler. Never in my life have I been so angry to see someone succeed. Rebecca Black is instrumental in the massacre of the music industry.

There. I just needed to get all of that off my chest before admitting that though I do LOATHE this song with every fiber of my being, I cannot get it out of my head.  #@%##!!!!!!!!!!!
The lyrics: http://www.directlyrics.com/rebecca-black-friday-lyrics.html
PS: Google's auto-complete function read my mind. Try typing "How old is" and see whose name pops up.

Adults in Christmas movies are ridiculously unaware.

I know it's not really supposed to be plausible to begin with, given the premise of these films, but...

COMMON. don't "non believing" adults in Christmas movies sort of suspect something when, come christmas morning, there are presents under the tree that they didn't buy? That's the scene I wanna see. "Hey honey, what's that bike doing under the tree? Did you buy him that? No? What's the card read? "Ho ho ho. Merry Christmas young Sally. Love, santa". Well, fuck me up the ass, he really does exist."

Well, now at least they know what the bags of coal were doing there the year she pulled the fire alarm at school.

So my boyfriend and I just came back from a Carnival Cruise and I was surprised to see just how many people identified us within a few seconds of elevator chatter, Dillan or myself having let an "eh?" slip out. Immediately, the conversation would come to a halt and some grinning idiot would exclaim, as though he was one of the very few gifted souls that would pick up on this subtle evidence of Great White North citizenship, "oh, a Canadian, eh?". It was always said with far too much emphasis on our supposed trademark word, and loud enough to be certain that everyone within earshot would know that the speaker was the first to come to this conclusion.

This isn't another rant about how we don't follow everything we say with a slow and passive "eh?". The truth is, it's not much of a misconception. We really do say "eh" a lot. However, I've realized something from paying attention to myself.  The majority of the time that I do utter this interjection is when I am seeking input or approval;

"Great weather today, eh?"

"This would work better then, eh?"

"You're feeling pretty tired, eh?"

It's sort of the equivalent of the phrase "right?" for me. I like to think of it this way, even if it's just a flyaway thought:
Canadians say eh quite often.
Those who say eh often must often be seeking agreement.
People who constantly seek agreement don't always think they're right.
People who don't always think they're right are usually humble and tolerant.
Ergo, the use of the word "Eh" is proof that Canadians are humble are tolerant.

Ain't that a twisted fallacy?

Happy Heart Day!

Baby, check your glove compartment.

Dear Bruno Mars:

"Had your eyes wide open, why were they open?"
How do you know her eyes were open?
Yours were too, weren't they?

How to book it up your old rickety stairs and not make a sound

I'm a pro at this by now. You basically have to run like an idiot. But if you do it right, there'll be no one to catch you running like an idiot.

When you're running up the stairs, your legs usually come down pretty hard on the next step so that you can get to your destination faster. Instead, bend your knee right as it is coming down on the next step as to absorb the shock, rather than bending it before hand in order to push up on the step. Once you've quietly "landed" on the step, push up on it fast, leap fast to your next step (skipping stairs helps) and bend your other leg. Keep doing this.

It might take some practice, but if done right, this trick will allow you to quickly run up the stairs and get back to your bedroom without anyone even noticing you left.

It really is all about the little things

As I was at the cash paying for my chocolate bar the other day, the woman who had been in line before me took the five dollars she had won on a scratch ticket, put it on the counter before me, smiled, told me to enjoy my chocolate, and left the store.

Saves lives and kills heroes.

Kevlar really does take away from the effect of taking a bullet for someone.

Park Slide of Doom (1995)

I want to tell you about a marking, fearsome event in my childhood. When I was younger, my parents would sometimes take me to the park. The parks we went to usually had those hollow twirling slides slides with interlocking plastic parts. They looked a lot like this:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/kittybuttons/2265515875/

Anyway, the different parts of the slide are often held together by bolts with a flat end. As it turns out, those things were dangerous! My parents would usually take me to play during the summer. And what did I wear during the summer? Shorts and long sleeves. And what does that mean? It means more skin was exposed. Now, on top of being supercharged with static energy from your body and your hair rubbing against the plastic in the closed area, you're about to get a quick (but not painless) shock on your way down.

This may not seem like a big deal, but to a three year old, it's a traumatizing experience! And if that wasn't enough, seeing me cry, me parents would assume I was just afraid of the slide (because I couldn't put into words the "zapping" feeling I got and I was quite the little drama queen to begin with so they may also have assumed this was just one of my moments) and so I was put on that damn thing another 3 or 4 times before either of them realized maybe the problem didn't lie in my fear of the slide, but in the slide itself.

I now appreciate my ability to communicate effectively and put everything I'm thinking, feeling and fearing into words. And so I speak for the young who do not possess this luxury: Those slides can hurt!

Good Answer!

My boyfriend and I were talking about a coworker of his who shares the belief that sex is an act that should be performed solely after marriage. I decided to put him in a difficult position and asked him what he would do if I adopted this belief, and came to the decision that we would no longer be having sex until we were married. To me, the possible answers to this question were "Of course I'd wait", and "Fuck that".

His reply? "I'd propose."

Let's start over. A zero to zero tie for women and men.

I need to get this off my chest, as it's been a pressing bother for some time.
Now, I'm not a crazed feminist. I don't think women are better than men in any way. We were made differently for a reason. However, it irks me beyond belief when I hear someone say something along the lines of "Men are greater, they've achieved greater things. They're the ones who built this world, for crying out loud!"

Do you know why men built the world, why they did such great things? Women weren't allowed to, plain and simple! Until modern day thinking changed everything, a woman's tasks consisted of cooking, cleaning, and caring for the children. A good wife was a submissive one, one who knew her place. A woman wouldn't just "do her own thing", she had a husband to tend to. Long before that even, free-thinking women were imprisoned, and even accused of witchcraft or satanic thought. these women, of course, posed a grave danger for the church and the authority of men. And so they were oppressed, by physical strength, and by the power that men had to impose much-more-than-sexist ideologies on their wives who were just so eager to do their job and please their husbands like a good wife would.

They prevailed though. It took a long time, but they finally did. And now that women are allowed to do as they please, the real contest can start, boys, if you so wish. If you want to think you're smarter, stronger, and just plain better, than go ahead and think it. But let's make it a fair game and stick to modern-day achievements okay?

Resolution Hack!

The new year's resolution failure rate is 100%. So, this year, I resolve to never eat healthy, blow all my money, not improve my drumming skills one bit, and suck hardcore at guitar :) Failure has never been so rewarding.